Sharing and taking turns are skills that toddlers learn over time, not overnight. If your child grabs a toy, shouts “mine,” or melts down when another child reaches for a truck, you are seeing typical toddler behavior. The journey from side-by-side play to cooperative sharing is a gradual one, rooted in brain development and self-control.
Why sharing is hard for toddlers
Sharing is not simply a matter of manners. It depends on a set of skills that are still under construction in the toddler brain. ZERO TO THREE explains that young toddlers have little self-control, which means they are not very good at waiting and have a hard time stopping themselves from acting on their desires. This makes following rules, especially around sharing, a real challenge. The ability to regulate impulses, understand another person’s perspective, and manage big feelings all need time to mature.
When a toddler refuses to share, it is not a sign of selfishness. It reflects where they are developmentally. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) notes that play itself helps children learn to plan, organize, get along with others, and regulate emotions. So the very act of playing with peers, even with its conflicts, is part of how sharing skills grow.
What to expect from 12 to 24 months
During the second year of life, children become more aware of themselves as separate individuals. ZERO TO THREE describes how young toddlers start to develop a sense of self-awareness and become more interested in peers, though at this age they usually do not play with other children, but next to or nearby. You might see your 18-month-old watch another child carefully, imitate what they are doing, and then wander off. This side-by-side play is an early form of social connection.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that by 2 years of age, most children notice when others are hurt or upset, and they look at a caregiver’s face to see how to react in a new situation. These social-emotional milestones show the beginnings of empathy, but sharing is still not something they can do on their own. The CDC’s guidance for 2-year-olds says directly: children this age play next to each other, but do not know how to share and solve problems. Parents are encouraged to watch playdates closely and show children how to deal with conflicts by helping them share, take turns, and use words when possible.
For more on how social skills unfold in the toddler years, see our Social Skills page and the broader Toddler Development section.
What to expect from 24 to 36 months
As children approach their third birthday, play becomes more interactive. ZERO TO THREE states that two-year-olds really begin to play interactively with their peers, and there is a real explosion in pretend play. You might see a child comfort a friend who is hurt or cry when another child is upset, signs of growing empathy. At the same time, toddlers still love to say “No!” and struggle with resolving conflicts. Sharing and turn-taking develop over time as they near age 3 and beyond, because they have not yet mastered self-control.
The CDC’s milestones for 3-year-olds include noticing other children and joining them to play. This shift from parallel play to joining in is a big step. The CDC also suggests encouraging your child to play with other children, as this helps them learn the value of friendship and how to get along with others. Even so, expect plenty of moments when a child grabs, cries, or needs an adult to help work through a disagreement. Our Toddler Development guide offers a wider look at communication, play, and social growth during these years.
How play builds sharing skills
Play is not just fun; it is a powerful teacher. The AAP emphasizes that play helps children build social bonds and learn to cooperate. When toddlers engage in pretend play, they experiment with different social roles, negotiate, and practice the back-and-forth that sharing requires. A child who pretends to serve pizza to a friend is learning to take turns and consider someone else’s wishes, even if the pizza is made of blocks.
The AAP recommends giving toddlers opportunities to play with peers, such as a parent-supervised playdate, and encouraging sharing and cooperative play. Simple, open-ended materials like blocks, empty containers, and dress-up clothes support this kind of learning far more than electronic gadgets. The AAP adds that play helps children cope with stress. For ideas on playful learning, visit our Play and Learning page.
Practical ways to encourage sharing and turn-taking
You do not need to force sharing. Instead, you can create opportunities for your child to practice the skills that make sharing possible. ZERO TO THREE suggests playing turn-taking games, such as taking turns hitting a foam ball off a tee, passing balls around a circle, or playing together in water or sand. These activities let children experience waiting and taking a turn in a low-pressure way. The same resource recommends setting a kitchen timer to give a visual reminder of how long a child needs to wait for a turn.
When conflicts happen, stay calm and keep your words simple. ZERO TO THREE advises explaining what happened in as few words as possible, pointing out the consequences of the behavior, and brainstorming a better choice for next time. For example, you might say, “You pushed because you wanted the broom back. Pushing hurt your friend. Next time you can say, ‘My turn, please.'” Most toddlers will need help carrying out these strategies, and that is normal.
Distraction and redirection are also useful tools. ZERO TO THREE notes that young toddlers are not yet able to resolve conflicts through discussion, so you might look out the window at a garbage truck or bring out play dough to shift attention. The CDC’s tips for 2-year-olds include using positive words when a child is being a good helper and giving more attention to wanted behaviors than to unwanted ones. For example, saying “Look how well you’re eating with your spoon” reinforces cooperation.
Setting clear, kind limits also supports sharing. ZERO TO THREE explains that turn-taking games help children learn to wait, and that a calm, steady voice when setting a boundary helps a child feel safe. You might say, “I will stop you from hitting,” while also acknowledging feelings: “I see that you are upset.” This approach, described in our Positive Discipline resources, builds self-regulation over time.
When to talk with your child’s pediatrician
All children develop at their own pace, but certain patterns are worth discussing with a healthcare provider. The CDC encourages parents to talk with their child’s doctor if a child is not meeting milestones, has lost skills they once had, or if you have other concerns. You can share what you notice during playdates and ask about developmental screening. The CDC also offers a free Milestone Tracker app and printable checklists to help you follow your child’s social and emotional milestones.
If you or the doctor remain concerned, the CDC recommends asking for a referral to a specialist and contacting your state or territory’s early intervention program to find out if your child can get services to help. Early support can make a meaningful difference, and reaching out is a proactive step, not a cause for worry.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for my two-year-old to refuse to share at every playdate?
Yes. The CDC states that 2-year-olds play next to each other but do not know how to share and solve problems. ZERO TO THREE explains that toddlers have little self-control and struggle with rules around sharing. This is a typical developmental phase, not a sign of a problem.
How can I help my toddler learn to take turns without forcing it?
ZERO TO THREE recommends turn-taking games like passing a ball or taking turns with a kitchen timer. The AAP suggests parent-supervised playdates where you can model sharing and gently guide conflicts. Keep practice sessions short and praise any small effort to wait or hand over a toy.
When should I be concerned about my toddler’s social skills?
The CDC advises talking with your child’s pediatrician if your child is not meeting social-emotional milestones, such as noticing when others are hurt by age 2 or joining other children to play by age 3. Also speak up if your child loses skills they once had. The doctor can help you decide if a developmental screening or early intervention services are appropriate.
For more guidance on helping your toddler build friendships and navigate social situations, visit our Social Skills page.
