Parenting Toddlers

I sometimes wonder why people have kids. The other day I took Peanut out to the playground. We live in an apartment complex, so there are often other children playing. I saw four kids but was too far away to see who they were. I did see, however, a little kid flinging around a baby like she was a doll. I went closer and saw that a child, who was eight or so, was “playing” with her sister. By playing, I mean she was moving her around from slide to swing to see-saw to the ground and back again. I was surprised the poor kid wasn’t getting shaken baby syndrome with all the rough treatment. She was crying, clearly very upset and unhappy. The girl, who I REPEAT, was about eight, was in charge of watching her AND her two cousins. So this eight year old was watching three children. I don’t even think an eight year old should watch herself!! And where were her parents? Her grandparents, she told me, were inside visiting someone. They never once checked on these kids. Does anyone else find it absurd that an eight year old (I know I keep repeating that, but it just astonishes me to no end) was responsible for three children on a playground. The baby was just one! At one point, the girl asked me to check her little sister’s diaper. I mean, come on! I’m a stranger, and yet these kids were looking to me as a babysitter. First of all, this is sad. Second of all, they’ll trust anyone (I happen to be trustworthy), third of all, they need parental supervision!! I still can’t believe this.

So the baby is still crying, and the girl thinks it’s because she has a sunburn. I said, “Do you think your grandparents would mind if we put some sunscreen on her?” I don’t think her grandparents would have minded if I took them all inside and fed them. Really! So anyway, I got some sunscreen and the older child put it on the younger ones. At one point, the girl took her cousin inside to get changed (he was about three), leaving a four year old and the baby on the playground. So the baby kept trying to go inside - by crossing a huge parking lot. I - who these people do not know from Adam - was trying to keep her from getting hit by a car. Because the four year old really wasn’t a great babysitter. Then they were all back again for more fun and playing unsupervised. Oh, I guess that was my job??

Anyway, finallly Grandma poked her head out to yell at the girl. “Why is that baby crying?” Hmmmm….maybe the baby realizes the f’ed up situation they’re in! My God! She was a baby!! A BABY!!! Babies need supervision, and an eight year old babysitter does not count.

This infuriated me. I feel bad a lot because I work at home, and I feel like I neglect Peanut. I feel like I could play more with her and all that - but I would never send her outside by herself. You never know who else is out there, first. Second, you never know if they will hurt themselves. It is absolutely ridiculous. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, that people who take the time to read a parenting blog wouldn’t dream of leaving their baby with a child babysitter, but it just really made me mad. It made we wonder why people have kids, kids, and more kids when they clearly don’t want to play with them, pay them attention, or care for them. I know these were grandparents, but I feel like that still applies when children are in your care.

It just makes no sense - I just wanted to scream at these people. And I very rarely scream!!

This is an on-going issue for us. Peanut is going to the potty! Peanut is refusing to go to the potty! Everyday is different. I’m kind of in a mental rush to get it done before her brother arrives. I have a feeling she’ll want to act like a baby for a while when he gets here. Anyway, I’m trying not to show her my anxiousness to get it done, because she’s likely to regress just to irritate me. Yes, she really does this!
Anyway, she just likes wearing a diaper. I will try her in underpants. Within a little while, she usually goes pee or poop in them (love my big people vocabulary). I change them, and she does it again. She does this because she knows eventually I will get exasperated and put her in a diaper. She’s a smarty. Her father and I have decided to crack down (in a nice, loving way). We went to the store and bought a bunch of underwear. She can soil them all she wants…we’re just going to keep putting them on. Her father’s theory is that eventually she’ll just start using the potty. We are also giving her stickers whenever she goes, which she seems to respond to. We were giving her little candies, but if she goes several times a day, that gets a little ridiculous. Plus, she doesn’t really respond to food as well as other things. She said yesterday that she should get money for going. I’ll do that! I can get her to do chores for like three cents, so she can definatley have a penny for her piggy bank for going to the potty. Whatever! I’ll bribe her. If she knew what a check was, I’d write her a big one for going. I’m at the point where I just want it done. But this is mostly because I don’t want to be taking care of an infant (and washing cloth diapers) and have to deal with Peanut’s diapers. I know that I can’t plan her life around the baby’s, but it would be nice to get her situated before he comes (only a month left, so I’m doubtful!).
So, we’re going to try the underwear and the stickers or pennies and see if that works. I may also use a potty training chart like the one above. Maybe she could put her stickers on that whenever she goes so she can have a visual reminder of her good work.

What has worked for other people? I know some people said their children took to it right away, they were potty trained in the course of a summer. Not mine! What are you doing to get your child using the potty? What has NOT worked?

One of my pet peeves is when people try to discipline my daughter. I’m sure as parents of rambunctious and not always angelic toddlers, you have encountered this yourself. What I am NOT talking about is when someone is watching your child. In that case, it is perfectly appropriate and necessary for someone else to discipline your child. When Peanut goes to her grandmother’s or is playing with one of her aunts, I expect her to listen to them. What I hate, though, is when I am there and trying to tell Peanut not to do something or to do something or whatever else, someone feels the need to jump in. My parents do this all the time. At their house, Peanut sits in her high chair for dinner. She loves to play with the foot rest, which bangs down and makes a loud, irritating noise. I tell her not to, and all of a sudden she has three different people talking at her all at once. I feel like it drowns out my voice, which is the one she should be listening to when I’m there. But, that’s my parents. I sort of have had to come to the conclusion that I just need to deal with that. They know I’m a good parent - I think they’re honestly trying to help.

My sister, though, is a different story. She is younger than me and doesn’t have children. Not that this means Peanut doesn’t need to listen to her, but again, not when I’m right there and trying to discipline her. I’ll be telling her not to do something - throw a ball inside, for instance - and my sister will jump in as if I’m not saying anything. The part that really bothers me is that she doesn’t know anything about kids or raising them. She took Peanut to the store and asked if she rode in her carseat backwards. She’s almost three! That’s not to say anything against her, but don’t tell me how to raise my kid when you clearly don’t know the basics. Do you know what I mean? The reason why I’m so quick to bristle when my sister tells Peanut what to do is that she is implicitly criticizing my parenting. My parents, while irritating at times, do not. I know this is true because she has questioned my actions and those of Peanut’s father in the past. When Peanut was a baby, she was in her crib crying. I let her cry a bit. This teaches the baby to soothe herself and maybe put herself back to sleep. My sister looked at me and said, “Aren’t you going to comfort her?” Like I was engaging in child abuse. “No.” That’s all I said. Did I have to explain to her that that’s how you teach your baby to sleep through the night? You let them cry a little now and then. That’s why Peanut slept through the night at three months. Anyway, she does this constantly. “Isn’t she cold? Shouldn’t you put a sweater on her? Or a hat?” She thinks I let Peanut watch too much tv, that I let her stay up too late, that I’m a terrible parent. I just can’t stand how someone with no experience with children feels the need to question my parenting. Someone who can’t even change a diaper. And yes, she’s tried. I had to jump in halfway through.

I love my sister, but I just can’t stand this attitude. I’m glad, though, that it’s not my parents or my partner’s parents. That’d be too much. With my sister, I can just chalk it up to not knowing a thing about the real world.

There - I got that off my chest. Does anyone else have this happen to them? Annoying, isn’t it??

This is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Lately, Peanut has started to say things like, “Go away, Mom. I hate you.” The other day, in the car, she said, “Mommy, I love you.” Awww…sweet. So I say, “I love you too.” Our warm fuzzy moment ended when she said, “But sometimes I hate you too.” Seriously. I asked why. “Because sometimes I like to go to Grandma’s instead.” Does she like Grandma better?? She has become quite taken with saying this, even though I don’t give her a big reaction. I know this is normal, so I’m not freaking out too much. But being told your firstborn hates you time after time can get old! The weird part is that she’s so calm and matter-of-fact when she says it. Has this ever happened to you? I thought that if she ever said that to me, it would be when she was angry. No, it seems to be just random. One night we were brushing her teeth, and she said “I love you.” Then immediately after. “I hate you too.” Does she even know what it means? I think she does - at least a little. I know she hates when I discipline her because both Grandmas don’t tend to do it. But she never says it when she gets punishment or I take away a toy or something like that. It’s always at the oddest moments. Anyway, I’m sure it’s a phase - like her little experiment with swearing. But it’s a phase I hope doesn’t last too long.

This weekend, Peanut went camping with her grandparents. Two whole nights without her…that was weird. You’d think I’d sleep in or something, but no. Anyway, I missed her, but she had a great time. At one point, though, she told her grandmother, “Mommies and Daddies are home with their kids. But not Peanut.” Awww…don’t you feel bad for this kid? She didn’t want to come home today, so I think she made it through without me all right. Anyway, her grandparents were extremely impressed with her, and all because of my stellar parenting skills.

She was playing with an older girl at the campground. She was around five or six, and they were running around, playing Peanut’s favorite game, Chase. Basically, she just runs like crazy and expects you to keep up. I’m about nine thousand months pregnant, so I can’t play! Anyway, it’s good to have another energetic kid. So, they’re running around, and at one point, they got a bit too close to the road. Before her grandparents could say anything, Peanut said, “We’re too close to the road. We have to go back.” They continue their game, and again, Peanut noticed that they were too far from Grandma and Grandpa. “We’re too far away. We have to go back.” She told her grandparents that she had to stay where they could see her.

They were super impressed that she did this on her own. The self-discipling child! I tell her that constantly. Where I live, people just let their kids go outside and do whatever. If I can’t see Peanut for even a second, I freak out. So I always tell her that she needs to play where I can see her. If she strays from the playground and a little too close to the parking lot, she gets another little reminder. This is the first time I’d been given some evidence that she listens when I’m not there. It’s a good feeling! It can seem like you’re talking to a brick wall sometimes, but don’t worry. Your toddlers are picking up so much, and they really do listen to you and take what you have to say seriously. So that was good confirmation that I’m doing one thing right. Her new habit of saying, “Go away, Mom. I hate you,” however, is a whole other story.

I wanted to talk about cloth diapers for my own selfish reasons. I’m expecting a baby in September, and I really want to try doing cloth diapers. I used (ok, use, present tense) disposable diapers with Peanut, and I want to cut down on the amount of landfill space I personally use! Plus, I’ve heard it’s cheaper, so that’s always great. Does anyone out there use these for your toddlers? I’m concerned about leaking, and I’m also concerned that I won’t fold the diapers up right so everything will just come out anyway! I’m also a little clueless as to cloth diapers - there is actually quite the variety out there. I got some prefolded Chinese diapers with some covers, but there are also all-in-one diapers and more. It’s hard to know where to start. I’m sure there are other toddler parents out there who may have younger children and want to start doing this. I think it’s great - though more work. If you have any thoughts or advice about cloth diapers, let us know! I would definately appreciate it, and I’m sure a lot of other parents would as well.

PS - The book What My Toddler Ate Today is still up for grabs. If you’d like it, just email me and tell me a bit about your toddler’s eating habits. This book can be a great tool for you and your child.

Toddlers are notoriously picky, fussy, strange eaters. I know Peanut isn’t “fussy” per se. She eats a variety of foods - she eats raw Kale leaves straight from the garden. On the other hand, the kid likes TicTacs (provided by her grandfather!). She doesn’t always eat a balanced diet, though. She loves veggies, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to eat them when I serve them. It is impossible to know what she’ll eat at any given time, which makes meal times hard. Anyway, my point is that it is hard to know what your toddler is actually consuming as far as nutrients. Our pediatrician told us not to look at it day by day, but rather week by week. Is she getting enough vitamins and nutrients overall? Some days she may eat nothing but noodles (which are bleached out and usually covered in a weird orange cheese sauce. Yes, I do make her mac and cheese from a box!). Anyway, a tool that can really help you see what your child is eating is What My Toddler Ate Today by Jacqui Herrmann. This book is particularly important for parents who are concerned with their child’s weight - either that they gain too much or too little.

This book isn’t about telling us what to feed our children. You can find that information in a host of other places, like the FDA food pyramid or your doctor. Portion sizes are obviously different for toddlers also. Instead, this book functions has a log or food diary, a portion tracker, and/or a meal planner. You can track everything your child eats so you know if they are getting a balanced diet. You can take a look at the log sheets here. (Sorry, I was going to take pictures of the book but my camera wouldn’t cooperate.)

This is a great book for anyone who has a fussy eater, a light eater, an overeater, a grazer, a snacker, or any other type of eating behavior. I was able to see that, yes, my child is eating enough, and no, she is not in danger of malnutrition! It costs only $10.49 from Amazon, but I have a copy I’d like to give one of Parenting Toddlers readers. If you’d like a copy, email me a short entry about the type of eating behaviors your child has by next Friday. (You can email me by going to the contact me section on the right side of the page.) I’ll choose a winner and send you this book. Hopefully, you’ll then want to share your own review with us!

Our quest for Ozzie has ended. Randi, super internet shopper and queen of finding things online, has found Ozzie the Octopus Spout Covers. The funny thing is that she found it on a site I’d already searched. You can find Ozzie here. Thanks. Even if you weren’t looking for it, the Crayola store has a bunch of cool stuff - not just crayons anymore!
If your toddler is not a bath lover, Crayola makes a lot of products that are designed to make bathtime fun.
For all this good free advertising, Crayola should give me free stuff!! Anyway, they have a ton of fun things for your kids, and the prices aren’t too bad.

Too much fun. Can I use him for my baths too?

A reader left a comment on an old post about Ozzie the Octopus spout covers, which look like awesome additions to bathtime. Anyway, the reader wanted to know where to find them. I looked online and can’t find where to buy. I’ve seen a few blog posts, which again, say they are awesome bathtime additions! But as to where to buy them, I found nothing. They’re supposedly put out by Crayola but I couldn’t find them on the website. Does anyone have one? Where did you get it? This would be a cool product for a lot of our toddlers, so if you have any ideas where we can get them, please share. Thanks! Here’s what Ozzie looks like - he attaches to the spout in the bath and water comes out of his tentacles. Very cool.

We have a good case of potty mouth at our house lately. One day this week, Peanut and I were having lunch at a restaurant with her father. He was teasing her and wouldn’t give her her fortune cookie. She turned to him and said, “What an a**hole.” I nearly died. It was even funnier because she pronounces “hole” like “hull.” What an a**hull. I know laughing is the worst way to respond because she’ll just swear more. And she did. It’s totally our fault. The next day, I was experiencing some road rage, and said “What an a-hole.” She said, “Why are they a**hulls, Mommy?” I tried to explain that I shouldn’t have said that and that I was just irritated that someone had cut me off. She said, “I really hate those bitches.” Then she used the phrase “bitch head” for the rest of the day. Yes, she even requested some macaroni and cheese from her bitch head mother. Yesterday, she was in the garden with her father. He and a neighbor were talking about groundhogs ruining the garden. She asks him, “Are you going to shoot those little bastards.” I swear to God. This kid is a foul-mouthed little smarty!!
She’s been a bit better since then. I never realized how much she picks up though because she (besides this week) very rarely swears. I think she must have just been observing, gathering data, and waiting for a chance to use the words.
Mistake #1 was swearing so much in front of her. Mistake #2 was laughing like an idiot when she swore. But, honestly, it is the funniest thing because her voice is so sweet. It’s like hearing your little old grandmother swear. That’d be funny too.

If your toddler is testing her swearing limits, there are some things you can do to curb the language.

First, don’t laugh! It’s really, really, really hard. But don’t do it.
Second, watch your own language. Again, really hard.
Third, have her substitute foul language for other words, like “Sugar” or “Rats.” I actually have a thirty year old friend who still says “Rats.”
Fourth, you can try time outs if the language doesn’t improve. Again, you really should watch your own language so you don’t look like a hipocrit. Kids are very sensitive to that.
Fifth, just explain why you don’t want to hear that language. Even toddlers can understand certain words are not to be said, espeically in a Chinese restaurant.

I have a hard time taking this bad language seriously. It’s about testing her limits, and I don’t choose to make a huge deal of it. She’ll grow out of it with a little guidance. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t seem like a major problem. I know many people will disagree, but I feel confident that I can teach her acceptable social behavior! I’d much rather put up with a few swears than diapers…can

I was flipping through the whole ten channels I get the other night and stumbled on something on NBC. The Baby Borrowers. I had heard of it but hadn’t paid any attention whatsoever, so when I watched it, I was very surprised that real people - real, actual, live people - lent their babies to teenage couples. I have a hard time sharing the blankets with my fiance or the last bit of ice cream with, well, anyone. I can’t imagine sharing Peanut. So I had to continue to watch to see what would possess these normal-looking people to do this. And a teenager. My little sister is 15, and good luck getting her to change a diaper.

Anyway, the idea is that five teenage couples who think it would be really awesome and exciting to have a baby get to actually take care of one for a few days. They live in houses in this weird made-up suburbia or something, and there are cameras on them all the time so parents can go (the parents are in houses down the street) whenever they feel the need to. I got over the part about giving inexperienced teenagers real live children and moved on to making fun of the teenagers. Parents know that having a cute little bundle of joy is HARD!! It’s not like a celebrity baby accessory that you can give to a nanny. They cry, they spit up (one kid was AMAZING at spitting up!!), they poop, they cry some more.

I will give the teenagers a little slack. It is hard to get a six month old baby and have to take care of it. You don’t know the special tricks to getting him to sleep or soothing him. He hasn’t bonded with you. That being said, keep them away from my babies!! Most of them did ok, actually. One girl though about killed me. The baby she and her boyfriend were given was teething. Poor guy. She was trying to feed him and he’s crying and so sad. I have never seen a baby so sad in my life. He was in pain. She just keeps trying to jam the spoon in his mouth. They never once thought to pick him up, soothe him, rub his gums, or even talk to him. She finally said, “Whatever, starve then.” The mama was MAD at that and went over to talk to the girl. She told her that when you have a child, you don’t get to behave that way. You feed the child. No matter if it takes an hour - you feed the child. Understandable, and there was no hitting or yelling involved. The teenager took offense and refused to have anything else to do with the baby for the rest of the time. Her point was that her own baby wouldn’t be so hard. Ok, you’re own baby definately won’t teeth….what???? That made me mad! It also again reminded me that some people think having a baby will help make a relationship better. It is stressful - if I had to save my marriage, having a kid would not even be a consideration. Anyway, hopefully, these teenagers realize all this and don’t reproduce too young! (Not that there aren’t some very responsible, excellent teenage parents. But I’m sure they’d be the first to say how hard it is.)

Anyway, as the show progresses, the teenagers will have to care for toddlers, kids, teenagers, and elderly people. It is kind of interesting, and if you like to watch shows that make you talk back to the tv, this one is for you.

Happy Fourth of July everyone! (Everyone in the US anyway.) Is anyone planning on seeing some fireworks? The town I live in seems to celebrate July 4 two weeks later - on the 19th, there is going to be a parade, fairs, a dance, bands, and all that. Maybe we’ll see fireworks then. Who knows why they do this? Ah well. If you are, make sure you comfort your little toddlers. Big noises are scary to pretty much everyone, and especially so for little kids. Hold them while you watch and explain before hand that they’re going to be loud.

I hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday. What are your plans? Is anyone traveling?

Yesterday, I took Peanut to the beach to hang out and see her grandparents and aunt. You would think I never take this kid anywhere - she kept saying how excited she was! It was a lot of fun, though I have a good sunburn on my shoulders now. Since it’s summer, I’m sure many of you will be making similar trips. It’s so much fun, and since we went to a state park, it was pretty cheap. Here are some good things to keep in mind when you take your little one to the beach:

*SUNSCREEN!! You too, parents. You know how much it hurts to have a sunburn - imagine your kid with one. Ouch for both of you.

**Bring toys. We brought a few buckets and shovels and she was good for hours. I brought a book. If you have someone else to help you, can you at least read while your toddler plays in the sand for a loooong time.

***Bring your bathing suit. I’m pregnant and ENORMOUS, so the last thing I wanted to do was put on a bathing suit. Big mistake. Being in the water is so refreshing, and I know Peanut loves it when I play with her. Next time, I will definately wear it.

****Be preapred with swim diapers. The bathroom was a long way off, so instead of letting Peanut go without, we used a swim diaper. I still asked her periodically if she had to go, and since I’m pregnant, we made a few trips anyway.

*****Bring snacks. Peanut is a snacker. We had sandwiches for lunch, we she picked at. Throughout the afternoon, she would grap a bite. Food = less cranky.

******Speaking of cranky, nap time is not likely on beach days. Good luck trying to get your toddler to lie down for a snooze. I think you just have to forego the nap for the day and deal with a little crankiness afterward. Peanut was so tired she fell asleep in the car, which she has not been doing lately.

The beach is a good place to focus on just playing with your child. I didn’t have a cell phone, laptop, or work, so I could just enjoy being there. That can be hard to do at home when there are so many other distractions.

Have fun! Kids love the beach, and it’s pretty nice for adults too.

There was recently a problem with a 451 Press server, which caused a bunch of sites to be unavailable. And yes, of course, this one was one of them…my luck. I apologize and hope we still have some readers out there! I am taking Peanut to the beach to see her grandma - she keeps going around the house with her pail and shovel saying, “I’m so excigid.” So cute! It’s so easy to make her happy - though I wish the beach weren’t twenty miles away. That’s how it is living in a rural area. You unfortunately have to drive to get anywhere. Anyway, though, I’m trying to be “excigid” too! Anyway, I’ll be back this afternoon with new posts - at least the break re-energized me for writing! Again, sorry for the inconvenience, and I hope nothing else goes wrong with the servers.

There was recently a problem with a 451 Press server, which caused a bunch of sites to be unavailable. And yes, of course, this one was one of them…my luck. I apologize and hope we still have some readers out there! I am taking Peanut to the beach to see her grandma - she keeps going around the house with her pale and shovel saying, “I’m so excigid.” So cute! It’s so easy to make her happy - though I wish the beach weren’t twenty miles away. That’s how it is living in a rural area. You unfortunately have to drive to get anywhere. Anyway, though, I’m trying to be “excigid” too! Anyway, I’ll be back this afternoon with new posts - at least the break re-energized me for writing! Again, sorry for the inconvenience, and I hope nothing else goes wrong with the servers.